I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
