he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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