Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's just like the Real World with babies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
