All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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