you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
