I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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