i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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