I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you win again, gameday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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