Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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