Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Damn victory sex feels great
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
