Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
