Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
