Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
