Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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