I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
