and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
