he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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