is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
