I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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