3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
