When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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