i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
