I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Houston, we have a squirter
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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