well you can't waste a boner
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
