I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
