i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
