he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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