what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
