I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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