When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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