my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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