I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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