Kiss
Puke
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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