I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
