Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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