So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
