Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
