everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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