Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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