I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
