dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
