Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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