Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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