I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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