just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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