i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
