I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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