I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize