time to smoke my breakfast
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
