Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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