oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
