the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize