Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
