I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
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I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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