i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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