To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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