you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
