Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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