I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
