I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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