I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
