I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
