Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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