"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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