he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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