i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.