Sry I called you an 8
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.