He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0