You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!