i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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