he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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