First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
