I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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